Antonia-Belica Kubareli, I used to have a name

by SF

[English Wednesdays]
 
5.62 […] The world is my world: this is manifest in the fact that the limits of language (of that language which alone I understand) mean the limits of my world. (*)
Have you not known? Emanaevahotdesui.Have you not heard? Emanaevahotdesui. Have you not been told? Emanaevahotdesui.Who makes the Bear, Orion and the Pleiades, who holds the foundations of the earth, who sits above the circle of the earth, who stretches out the heavens like a curtain, who opens the chambers of the Sun? Nobody. Not one missing. No one present. Souls on sale.
    Fill the void with indescribability. Voidable void. Unavoidable void. Void. Hug me voidly. Hug me unavoidably. Hug. Me. Emanaevahotdesui. Me. I. Need a hugeous hug. Huge. I. Used. To. Have. A. Name.
    Pull the plug on psyche, unscrew all screws: Emanaevahotdesui. Must go on, must persist, must change. Must. How? Somehow. Now. Emanaevahotdesui. Fragmented syllables carried by the Aegean winds, wisps of ‘s’agapao’, ‘psyche mou’, colourful laughter. Go on. Persist. Change. Always. All ways. All the way. A way. No way. Now way. Own way. Long way. Away. In a way: Emanaevahotdesui. Since I miss you so much, why don’t I dream of you? A mind full of ghosts. You. My beloveds. My lost. My loss. At a loss.
    Family of psychidae. Psyche casta. Taleporia tubulosa. Taleporia means ordeal. Cast the die Emanaevahotdesui. A caterpillar caters for pillars? Emanaevahotdesui: Call my name. Call me names. Call in dreams. Call in any time. Any time. No time. On time. Timelessly. Call. In. Out. Names. Of. Missing. Missed. No name. No use. No more. No. On. Yes. On and on. New lease on life. Re-lease. Lifeless. Speechless. Emotionless. Regardless. Go on. And on. No. Yes.
1-This is not the end – Your words are not my words.
2-This is not the end – My words are not your words.
3-This is not the end – Your words are your world.
4-This is not the end – My words are my world.
5-This is not the end – Your world is not mine.
6-This is not the end – My world is not yours.
7-This is not the end – “I am a word in a foreign language.” Too.

 

   This cannot be the end. Which end? Definitely not. No end. Of-No-Word-Of-No World-Of-No END …
Your life is being diverted. Please, don’t Give Up unless you hear the busy tone. Don’t. Up and upper and uppermost – Give. Up to no end now get a name to own to put on.
Iusedtohaveaname: Emanaevahotdesui…

(*) Job 9:9 “[…] who makes the Bear, Orion and the Pleiades[…]”
Isaiah 40:21-31 “[…]who holds the foundations of the earth, who sits above the circle of the earth, who stretches out the heavens like a curtain, who opens the chambers of[…]” 
“I am a word in a foreign language”: A line from Margaret Atwood’s poem: Disembarking at Quebec.

*
©Antonia-Belica Kubareli
Photo: John Kay, Twelve advocates who plead with wigs on (Late 18th – early 19th century)

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