Jonathan Pinnock, Room 31

by SF

August 12th

• Dispose of nameplate on door.
• Prepare and fit new nameplate. DOUBLECHECK SPELLING.

August 14th

• Hang pictures. Choose from selection provided by next of kin. IF IN DOUBT, CHECK WHETHER PORTRAIT OR LANDSCAPE FIRST.
• Install and tune television.
• Configure television to client’s specification.

August 21st

• Replace two stained carpet tiles next to window.
• Relocate bolts on exterior of door.

August 24th

• Establish whether or not television can be repaired.
• Replace three stained carpet tiles under television.

August 26th

• Remove shards of glass from carpet.
• Dispose of broken picture.
• Take down remaining pictures and put in safekeeping.

August 27th

• Fill hole in wall.
• Repaint over filler.
• Replace carpet with linoleum.
• Secure chair to floor.

August 28th

• Secure bed to floor.
• Remove all other furniture.

August 29th

• Replace broken pane of glass in window.
• Replace bent security bars.

August 30th

• Clean bloodstains off wall.
• Repaint.

September 2nd

• Paint over slogans daubed on wall.
• Replace bent security bars.
• Replace gouged section of linoleum.
• Re-secure chair to floor.
• Fill hole in ceiling.
• Repaint over filler.
• Clean excrement from window.

September 3rd

• Dispose of burnt mattress.
• Repaint throughout.
• Dispose of nameplate on door.

©Jonathan Pinnock
Photo Alden Jewell -Creative Commons


Jonathan Pinnock has had over a hundred stories and poems published in places both illustrious and downright insalubrious. He has also won a few prizes and has had work broadcast on the BBC. His debut novel «Mrs Darcy versus the Aliens» was published by Proxima Books in September 2011, and his Scott Prize-winning debut collection of short stories, «Dot Dash», was published by Salt in November 2012. He blogs at and he tweets as @jonpinnock